3.20.2014

You Want To Know What's Changed Since We Got Married?

Commercials.  No, really, hear me out.  Before, the people in the commercials weren't people I saw as my demographic.  They weren't me.  They were moms and dads with kids.  They had careers instead of just jobs.  And actual responsibilities to others, not just themselves.  And they worried about things like, which laundry detergent gets clothes the cleanest and whether swiffer would really cut back on their chore time.  They chose their cars based on safety ratings and whether car seats would fit properly.  The people in those commercials were definitely not me, nor any of my friends.

And then I got married.

"wedding dress at rustic cabin"
Now?  Now I see commercials and think, "That guy is my age.  This commercial is trying to reach my demographic.  When did these commercials stop trying to reach my mom's demographic and come after me instead?"

When I got married, that's when.

Well, not immediately upon saying I do, but shortly thereafter for sure.  I slowly started recognizing people I know in commercials - like, literally recognizing people (I did go to a theatre school, after all) and seeing people I knew "back when" who were now playing wives and mothers and husbands and fathers and all those roles "older" actors used to be cast in.  And then I realized, I recognized the people in those commercials metaphorically, too.  They were my friends, my colleagues, my clients.  Me.

At first, it was strange to notice.  I mean, they're commercials.  Why the eff am I paying that much attention to commercials?  The fact that I even noticed I was noticing was weird, too.  But then, it really sunk in.  I've entered a new phase in life.  A new chapter.  My life isn't just about me anymore.  I am not number one anymore.  We are.  'We' are the priority now.  Not 'I'.

If you'd asked 22-year old Stephanie -the girl who most definitely did not identify with the people in the commercials- what she thought about making someone else priority numero uno, she would've laughed in your face.  And with good reason.  That girl had just somehow managed to fully support herself while also paying for college full time.  That girl was just doing her best to balance multiple jobs and remain independent in the Windy City.  That girl had no patience for anyone or anything and had a hard time softening the edges, if you know what I mean.

And then, that girl grew up.  And she got married.

But a funny thing happens when you get married.  What I failed to realize before was that when you get married, you promise to put 'we' before 'I', it's true, but you're not the only one.  Someone else is standing right there beside you promising to do the very same thing, day after day for the rest of your life.  And it's not just any Joe Shmoe off the street telling you this.  We all know anyone can say just about anything - words are wind.  But, no.  That's not the deal here.  The someone telling you this is someone you love and trust like none other and with all your heart, so you know they mean it.  It's like this awesome magical safety net that appears out of nowhere.  And guess what?  Because you've promised to do this for each other, you're both free to let go of all that selfishness and make room for all the awesomeness that awaits you in your life together.

And before you know it, even commercials have a new meaning.

xo

(PS - Linking up with Nicole.)


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13 comments

  1. Beautiful thoughts! I am so glad you and Eric chose each other!

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  2. You're so right about the magical safety net of marriage -- and everything else you've eloquently expressed here! I've never stopped to think about the commercials, but you're definitely right. Now that we're drawing closer to getting our house, I'm thinking about everything so much differently . . . especially finances and budgets. So yes, commercials trying to convince me to buy a more affordable detergent that still gets your clothes super clean is . . . of interest to me. Crazy!

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  3. haha i feel that way and I am not married. I am starting to realize that I am a grown up. SOO weird!!

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  4. Huh, this is such an interesting thing to think about. I'm still very young and in college (though I'm learning that that is no longer mutually exclusive!!!) and I'm pretty resistant to "grow up" and "settle down," but I like the idea of it someday. Great thoughts!

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  5. Never thought about it like that, but so true. I think I realized that I was getting older, when I had to check off the next check box on the age, what? That and I'm one year away from the default age on the treadmill at the gym, yikes!

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  6. I realized I was getting older when I like the father character best in the twilight movie! (And I am totally Team Haymitch!)

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  7. This is such a sweet post :) I love hearing what married couples feel have changed for them. I've been with my guy for four years, but we're not married yet. I always wonder what's around the corner, what could change. Thanks!

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  8. We were married on our 5-year anniversary and we lived together for almost 2 full years before getting married, so I really didn't think anything would change. Slowly but surely, things do start to feel a little different, though. In a good way, of course. :)

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  9. Me too! Who cares about Edward vs. Jacob when you have Carlisle vs. Charlie?

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  10. I was really resistant to it too until it just kinda ... happened. Growing up has a weird way of sneaking up on you.

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  11. Hi, Stephanie! I "found" you at Mish Lovin' Life... LOVE what you said. For years I've been quoting my mom to people:
    When you're single, it's all about you. You don't have to answer to anyone, really.
    Then when you get married, it's about "us" first, "him" second, and me third.
    When you have kids, it changes again: it's the kids first, the family second, "us" third, "him" fourth, and me, dead last again.
    And you know what, when I got married, I really "got" it. I understand what she means. And it makes a lot of sense, in a way that's hard to explain, but it really does!
    I'll be lurking around some more, checking out the rest of your blog!
    Nice to "meet" you!

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  12. Thanks for stopping by! Feel free to lurk for as long as you like. :) It's definitely a hard thing to explain since it's more of a shift in attitude/perspective but I think it's important to at least acknowledge it, even if we can't fully explain it, you know? And I'm sure that perspective will change once again if/when we have kids in the future.

    Hope you're having a lovely week so far!

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