City Chatter

5.25.2012

One of the joys of big city livin' is all the disturbing wonderful conversations you overhear while out and about.  Because I feel guilty keeping all that awesome-sauce to myself, I thought I'd start a new series to share the goodness with you.  It's a little break from our regular Friday's Fancies but I promise, you'll thank me.  I give you - City Chatter vol. 1.

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One.
Let's set the scene, shall we?  I was on the bus* the other day when a passenger who appeared to be homeless (you never know in San Francisco - he could've just been an older hipster) gets on the bus with a giant plastic garbage bag filled with aluminum cans and ... his dog.  The bus is pretty darn crowded but this guy still tells his dog to hop up on the seat next to him and get comfy.  This wasn't exactly a lap dog, either.  She was about the size of a small lab.  Anyway, a younger woman gets on and shuffles by and apparently she stepped on this guy's shoe (remember, the bus is crowded) and immediately after I hear this conversation:

Dog Guy (shouting at his dog, Mamacita):  You see that, Mamacita?  That b**ch just stepped on my foot and didn't apologize.  She better apologize!  I bet if my foot was a twenty dolla bill she'd a stopped.  She don't look like a b**ch that passes up a twenty dolla bill, do she Mamacita?  Do she?

Dog Guy (in what I guess was Mamacita's voice): Oh no she didn't.

Two.
Again, I'm on the bus.  A lot of teenagers just got out of school and are riding the bus to get home, including these two sweet friends.

Girl 1:  Can we stop at McDonald's on the way to your place?

Girl 2:  What?  No way, fat a**.  You just ate a slice of pizza at lunch.

Girl 1:  Yeah, ONE slice!!

Girl 2:  Well I only ate half a slice so you ate twice as much as me.  That means you're twice the fat a**.  No McDonald's.

Three.
Waiting for the bus once again.  Two middle-aged, mostly normal looking guys are waiting near me discussing Dark Shadows (the new Johnny Depp movie).

Guy 1:  So this vampire has been locked in a coffin and buried underground for 200 years.  200 YEARS!!!  And yet, when he gets out, he has all this compassion and respect for his family.  Can you believe that?  200 years in a coffin and he still knows how to feel compassion and show respect.  Meanwhile you got kids today that don't even know what respect means.  How can a guy trapped in a box for 200 years still understand respect when people not trapped still don't get it?

Guy 2:  Sounds like he's old school.

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*Oddly enough, most of these amazing conversations occur on public transportation.

16 Comments:

  1. Hahaha gotta love Muni. Always entertaining!

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  2. hahahhahahahahhah bus conversations are always priceless.

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  3. This is exactly why I needed to go back to the burbs after 9 months of living in Chicago and taking the el. I have no doubt that these odd conversations happen in the burbs too but at least I can't hear them when I'm driving in my car. Oh no she didn't!' awesome

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  4. These are hilarious - I literally laughed out loud ... Great new series!

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  5. I heart all of this...and especially awesome-sauce! One of my bffs says that...I'm sending this to her now! Have an awesome weekend! :)

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  6. Too funny. These stories made my day!

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  7. Oh my, that's great..thanks for sharing!

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  8. all crazy conversations are always public transportation. and buses are the best fodder.

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  9. Hilarious! I was literaly laughing out loud.

    I always eavesdrop on conversations around me and I always hear the funniest things when I'm having a night out but of course, because I've had a couple of drinks by then, I can never ever remember them. It has occurred to me that I only find them funny *because* I've had a couple of drinks but whatever.

    I'll be looking forward to this as a regular feature!

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  10. Oh this was priceless! Loved it... haha. And while I worry about the mans sanity to reply to himself as his dog, he has a VERY VERY good point about people and their values. :D

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  11. Whaaaat!? Some people are seriously weird, especially the vampire guy! What an absolutely bizarre thing to overhear!!

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  12. what a grand new series you've begun! and girl what a way to get the ball rolling too, i've heard some pretty wild things during trips on public transport and man alive how peoples voices carry! i usually try to whisper even when i think no one else is around ;)

    the way you write is brilliant! no. 3 with a bullet...a silver one. oh no wait! that's for werewolves. baha! awesomeness. ♥

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  13. Hahaha sounds like the bus is great place for some awesome stories! Keep em coming, friend! :)

    xo
    alisha

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  14. ha! I love eavesdropping people's conversation :)

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  15. The Muni always has such interesting conversations! I'll have to add a city chatter to my blog too! :)

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  16. HOLY CRAP! These were so funny! This is my fave: How can a guy trapped in a box for 200 years still understand respect when people not trapped still don't get it?

    I can't stop laughing!


    Janette the Jongleur

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