As you may have read previously, today is the day our bar results came out. Up until yesterday, I did a pretty good job of living in denial. I stayed calm and refused to let myself get anxious. That was until we had our associates' meeting at lunch yesterday. Others started asking me if I was nervous at all. "No, I'm surprisingly calm," I'd say. And then, all of a sudden, ... I wasn't. In the midst of discussing associate bonding events, I became overwhelmingly nauseous. I thought I was going to puke my pizza all over my plate. As I was taking deep breaths to let the nausea pass, I felt tears welling up. Probably the only thing worse than puking in front of your colleagues is bursting into tears as they discuss plans for happy hour.
Last night was basically sleepless, today foodless. (I forced myself to eat a minimal breakfast and lunch.) The day dragged on and it felt like 6pm would never come. At 5:40, I could stand it no longer. I needed a distraction so I turned to the most reliable source: The Office. During the bar exam, I watched past episodes to distract me at night and help me fall asleep. It's only fitting that while anxiously awaiting the results I watched last night's episode to distract me once again. The episode ended right at 6pm - I could avoid it no longer.
I hit refresh multiple times till the log in screen appeared. I typed my info in with one hand, all the while my eyes were half closed and my lips uttering a simple prayer, "Please God, Please." And then... there it was, the happiest words I've seen thus far: "The name above appears on the pass list for the July 2010 California Bar Examination."
I burst into tears while saying "thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou" over and over again. I called The Boyfriend, then My Mom. I'm overwhelmed with excitement, relief, and, most of all, gratitude. I never would've imagined I'd be here today. Congratulations to all who passed and bon courage to those who will be taking it again.
I'm still shaking but I made a hot toddy to help with that.